Balance is a myth.
After some thought, contemplation, and reflection from my own life experiences, I have decided the idea that we can bring our outer lives to a state of equipoise and order is completely untrue. Yes, I actually believe that ‘balance’ is a myth, and when we work to seek that mythical state of balance, it only serves to cause more harm to ourselves because it will always be elusive. It is easy to wish for that idealized state where we won’t feel like we are running around in 1,000 directions, trying to filter an endless stream of information and communications, finish our work, meet deadlines, attend meetings, and go to the next appointment. The truth is, we will always be running around, feeling stress and fatigue, dreaming of a better life when situation ‘x’ changes. Life will frequently feel like an overwhelming stream of endless demands when we only seek to change the outer circumstances in aim of that sense of peace.
I say this not just because I am self employed and the mother of two busy teenage daughters, one with a chronic illness. I say this because I see it in everyone I meet. I have yet to meet the person who says “Yes, I figured it out. I have my life in perfect balance.”
A balanced outer life is like a unicorn. Introduce me to one in real life, and I might begin to think it is possible.
So what is to be done. Shall we slave away in misery and accept that life will always feel out of balance and probably overwhelming? I actually am an optimist at heart, and I do think there is a way forward. I accept that my outer life will never meet that place of perfect equipoise. Instead, I realize that the pendulum of my life will always be swinging and swaying. I am going to work to keep those swings closer to center, and the only way to do that is to observe and be the caretaker of my inner world.
Here are 3 ways that I try to keep sane in
my out of balance life.
1: Rhythm and Routine
It really does make a difference to wake up and go to bed at about the same time each day, and to eat your wholesome plant based meals at about the same time each day. I read this as parenting advice for babies and toddlers many years ago and I found it to be my anchor during those demanding years. In fact, I still require it of my teen children. We have regular wake up and bed times, and regular meals, and family dinner is a must.
2: Make time for the people and activities that you love
I do two things in this category. A few years ago my younger brother started coming over for Wednesday dinners. He is only over for a few hours each Wednesday, and some weeks he can’t make it- but we work to prioritize that family time. It has strengthen our relationship and it is as precious as gold. I also decided to prioritize my art making. I knew that booking a few shows would help me to stay focused on art making. Working creatively feeds my soul as much as meditating and doing yoga. So I decided no more excuses, it had to be done. It did lead towards my decision to take time away from the Yoga Teacher Training. Prioritizing time for the most important people in your lives, and your most nourishing activities has to happen on a regular basis. With so many people making so many demands of our time and attention, it can be easy to forget about those people and things we love. Examine your life and you will intuitively know what needs to be released in order to let in more love.
3: Seek Gratitude
Sometimes I think this is the most important factor. In yoga philosophy, it is one of the Niyamas: Santosha- or contentment. When we are constantly seeking and or complaining, we will never even come close to feeling balance. That pendulum swings at its greatest peaks when we are complaining and in a total snit. So when I am feeling crazy about driving to my third appointment in the week, I have to remind myself to be grateful that I have health insurance and a car to bring me to the appointment. When I am doing the 4th load of laundry in a day, I feel grateful that I have a washing machine and electricity to do the washing, and that I have a family at home whose clothing needs cleaning. Those little shifts of perspective help me to master my mind and thoughts. I actually believe if we could master gratitude, we might actually feel that thing called balance. It wouldn’t mean that our lives were any less busy or any simpler. But our minds would be in a greater place of peace.